BY JEFF CORBETT

Some years ago, my pastor preached a sermon entitled “Pushing on Doors Marked Pull.” While I’ve long forgotten the details, the title never escaped me.

Obviously, the phrase is a metaphor for those times in your life when you’ve exerted effort for something that is futile, not yet ready to happen, or simply not in the cards at all.

The problem is we deceive ourselves that if we push hard enough or long enough, we will get our way. Let’s explore this a bit more.

Pushing in Vain

So what from your life would be a good example of when you pushed on a door marked pull? Have you ever tried to get the magic back in a relationship, but the magic was too far gone?

Did you ever try to get someone to change a behavior and be more like what you wanted them to be; yet the more you pushed them, the more they resisted? Perhaps you wished your job was more secure and predictable, like it used to be.

Maybe you tried to recapture how Christmas felt 10 or 20 years ago, when things were happier or simpler for you. When you find yourself pushing with zero results, don’t push harder; instead pause and assess if life around you has changed but you have not.

We live life in chapters, and pushing when you should pull may be a sign you are refusing to turn the page to allow your life’s story to continue writing itself.

The Hardest Lesson

Life is sneaky and smarter than us. It often teaches patience when we are least ready for the lesson.

One reason we keep pushing on doors marked pull is that we are impatient. We demand immediate gratification. We don’t like to wait. When it’s your turn to learn patience, fighting it is futile.

When you are being taught patience, there is a reason — so go with it. In the long run, you’ll discover it was a gift.

In Your Head

Another reason for pushing when you should be pulling is that we can be bull-headed, insisting our way of thinking is what has to happen when, in fact, life has very different plans.

Have you ever been set on how something should turn out, and when a completely different outcome occurred, it was better than what you had imagined?

What changes can you make right now to stop pushing when you should pull, to listen to the rhythm and flow of life, and dance to that tune instead of the one in your head?

Retreat and Think

You have everything you need to start right now. It’s all in your mindset, your perspective, and you must challenge your old ways and routines.

Reframe how you make decisions. Take time to deliberate. Entertain other approaches to your problems that you would not normally take. There may be more than one right answer.

Become more aware of the world around you and how you fit in — not how it fits into you. You can do this by stepping back, turning off the TV, turning down the noise of life, and carving out time to reflect and think.

There is a plague in our country. Columnist Linda Stone refers to it as “Continuous Partial Attention.” We flit from one urgency to another, seldom focusing on the wealth of this moment, or the person beside us.

We are prisoners to the ding of new e-mail, too much internet, and the cell phone that never sleeps.

Just say no.

Stop the madness, reinvent yourself, do an overdue Spring Cleaning of your life. Cast out the old clutter, see the world through fresh eyes, and the useless pushing and pulling will give way to a newfound personal peace.

Jeff Corbett is an experienced public speaker, meeting facilitator and sales/marketing professional. He lives in Statesville.